i wish my penis had a tongue
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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