he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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