it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
