so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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