he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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