Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
