Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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