He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
