my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
