I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
