If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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