it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
