So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
