I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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