I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
