you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
