Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
