Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
