ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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