Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
