He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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