i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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