I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
