lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
