he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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