Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
