His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
