i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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