I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
