I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
