Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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