Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
