She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
