Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
