mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
