you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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