My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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