sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
