so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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