she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
