Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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