I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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