He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
