So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
