Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
