when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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