I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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