yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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