talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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