Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
