i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
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We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal