I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that