You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae