How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest