About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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