You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
