They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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