Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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