Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
