I wish I could teleport
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
