I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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