DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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