DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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